Forever it seems, I have withheld from myself the right to have a shower. Subconsciously I consider it something I have to earn, so usually don't because I have no energy or desire to do much of anything, ever. Today, I did the dishes, restarted the laundry that went stinky in the washer, put it in for its first round (it will need at least 2 rounds) of drying, figured out how to hang up my beautiful new pans that my wonderful husband bought for me (even though I didn't want or ask for them, I can appreciate the gesture) and then decided I had earned the shower. I took one, and promptly climbed back into bed with the towel haphazardly wrapped around my upper thirds. I know I should get dressed, and get back to all the work ahead of me but feel incapable somehow. I know my "shower earning" thought process is negative self talk, and I need to work on this.

Last night at my ward Relief Society Birthday Party the theme was "Make Lemonade". I really took away some excellent messages and insight. My friend and neighbor who suddenly lost her almost 3 year old son a few years ago spoke about how to make lemonade. It's mostly water, a lot of lemon juice and not very much sugar. As she considered the ingredients she could see the metaphor to our lives. The lemon juice is our trials: we will all have a lot and they will be different. But the Lord will send us little granules of sweetness all along the way so that we can bear it with his help. The water we need most, is the love of our Savior and the utilization of his atonement. With his help we can do more, be more, and not just allow ourselves to be victims of our trials and circumstance. They also gave us this little flyer

I'm going to work on these things. They help me remember that I'm worth it, and I deserve to be happy, healthy and capable of all the things my Heavenly Father wants for me.

Another message from the meeting was "there's no place like home". I love "The Wizard of Oz" as most of you know. A lady in my ward talked about how when her life felt like it was falling apart she loved to go to the temple and be home, with her Heavenly Father in His House. I need to go.

They also gave us a handout with the words to a Boye song "Make Lemonade", I'm going to see if I can find them for you because listening to it and following along with the words is really uplifting! https://youtu.be/xS0uS8Tfyt4

Alex Boye - Lemonade lyrics | Musixmatch

I'm just so broke you won't believe

Can't get a dollar out of me

And as far as I can see

I'm losing control like a bad disease

No I just can't get relief

I've been shot down by the life police

And everyday I try to rise

But I can't succeed

When life gives you lemons

Instead of champagne

Don't worry little children

And don't complain (woh)

Remember you're golden So find some sugar cane

When life gives you lemons Make lemonade

Can anybody find a cure for me?

You can be bitter, bitter, bitter Or you can be better, better, better

When life gives you lemons Instead of champagne Don't worry little children

And don't complain (woh)

Remember you're golden So find some sugar cane

When life gives you lemons Hama kama hama kama heyama kama

Now everyday is like a brand new year

I throw my hands up in the air

Like I just don't care I'm moon walking down the streets Feeling like oh yeah (oh yeah!)

Like the bottom of the glass now I see clear

So now I laugh just a little more (Yeehehee!)

I stand much taller than I did before (Yahahaa!)

I know I'm not where I need to be

But I thank God that I'm not Where I used to be I used to be bitter, bitter bitter

And now I feel better, better, better

When life gives you lemons Instead of champagne

Don't worry little children

And don't complain (woh) Remember you're golden So find some sugar cane

When life gives you lemons

Make lemonade Hama kama hama

I was saved for a reason

That I can't explain

Got something new to believe in I'm awakened again (who woh)

So many miracles are Happening each day

If I can just get out of (Elelele) My own way When life gives you lemons

Instead of champagne Don't worry little children And don't complain (woh)

Remember you're golden So find some sugar cane

When life gives you lemons

Make lemonade Le-le-le-le-Lemonade Lemony-lemony-le-lemonade Le-le-le-le-LemonadeLemo-lemo, Woo When life gives you lemons Instead of champagne Don't worry little children And don't complain (woh) Remember you're golden So find some sugar cane When life gives you lemons Make lemonade